June
So, other than England being knocked out of the world cup, I’ve had a pretty awesome June. I went to Download Festival mid-June, met loads of really cool people, drank an unhealthy amount of alcohol, saw some of my favourite bands, discovered some new bands, ate rubbish fast-food, and altogether had an awesome, overly indulgent time!
On the first day we pitched our tent in what was essentially the sitting area for a load of Scottish guys. They seemed a little peeved at first but then they helped us put our tent up and that night we sat and drank with them and had a good laugh, in fact we became good friends throughout the festival, drinking and talking about all sorts of stuff throughout the trip, we’re hoping to go next year and meet up with them and form a camp together. They even invited us up to Aberdeen (where they live) to meet up with them at some point and go out on the pubs/clubs and such.
The bands were just incredible, for the most part. Highlights include: Killswitch Engage (Holy Diver live was a brilliant tribute to Dio), AC/DC, Rise to Remain, Holy Grail, Lamb of God (was about 5 people from the front), Megadeth (about 2-3 people from the front), Rage Against The Machine (despite getting crushed), 3 Inches of Blood, The Morning After (incredible show), Slash, Whitechapel, Motorhead and Aerosmith. The other bands I saw were all fantastic too but these were my favourites of the weekend.
All in all, I had an awesome time and it was a huge shame to leave. I’m feeling the blues of that right now. Quite a lot.
A week and a half later, however, I ended up back in the mainland UK, in London this time. I saw my favourite band, Between The Buried and Me, live, in the Camden Underworld club. It was boiling hot and sweaty as hell, but it was amazing. The best gig I’ve ever been too for sure. I was close enough to touch Paul’s guitar for most of it, got a high-five from him and shook hands with and met most of the members. It was an amazing experience.
(Unintentional emo section coming up; just speaking my thoughts and feelings)
Now, I’m back on the island. I’m back at work, doing a job that I’m not suited to in the slightest, and everything about life as it stands just feels fairly unfulfilling and frustrating. It’s not that I’m depressed as such. It’s not the same as the old posts I made in the past about life. It’s just an intense feeling of emptiness, of not caring about anything, of being elsewhere in mind. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t lonely. Every day I become more and more empty, needy and frustrated. Every day I think back to times I had with my friends at school when life was more care-free, or see the people around me enjoying their lives either in ignorance or in fulfilled happiness with a partner. Or both, as the case often is. I feel little connection to the world around me and honestly have, or feel, no commitment in terms of family, relationships, long-term employment or love for the location. I feel totally disposable, and the island and what it has to offer to me is mutual in that sense. I have no reason to be here. To wake up every morning. To do a job I don’t care for. To work every day for however many hours and feel purpose from that. I earn money, for what? To fulfil hedonistic desires that I myself am fundamentally disgusted by anyway. I need to get out of this closed off circle. I have a few simple joys, don’t get me wrong, but they feel few and far between. I’m not trying to say I have it technically worse than anyone else. I just don’t have the mindset or the purpose that those people do to keep them going through the worst parts. And this is my problem. I feel empty. There is no reason.
In more upbeat news, I am the lead guitarist of a band now. We play metal, some originals, some covers. The covers aren’t really my style of metal, the originals are closer towards it, but either way I enjoy playing it because it’s much more fun to play, to me, then to listen to. Stuff like Atreyu, A Day To Remember etc… I’m used to much more technical stuff so I don’t have to focus or worry as much on messing up, so I can have a bit more life in my performance.
Anyway, I better go to bed. It’s nearly 1AM and I have work tomorrow at about 8:45AM. Fantastic. Another slow day doing very little productive, for no tangible reason to me. I really need a big distraction, or a new job, or preferably both. I can’t wait till university, or until I have enough money to travel for 6 months-1 year.
“Get out of this closed of circle…” Between the Buried and Me – White Walls.
